Deciding for you

When I was middle school age, I tested into advanced placement classes for math and science. Did that for a few years. Some time around 11th grade (I think), I had calculus. 

This was not good. 

I struggled. I didn’t get it. The teacher was a jerk. Browbeating me instead of supporting and helping me. I started getting headaches. Stress headaches or migraines. Who knows. My mom intervened. I pulled out of the class. 

That must have Been the point where I began self identifying as a writer and creator. I’m no good at math, I’d claim. Math is not my thing. 

But which came first? Could I have done well if I’d had a better teacher with patience and more kindness? Did he fate me to forever claiming that I’m not a ‘math person?’ Or was I really not great at advanced math and he just did me a favor by cementing that? 

It impacted my path, my future choices. Did he give me a fair shake? 

I don’t recall details. I mostly recall that as the beginning of my ongoing struggle with headaches and migraines. Would that also have happened anyway?

Answers to both questions are tangibles I will never have. It doesn’t matter really. And I have no interest to try calculus today. 

But it’s important to consider when I think of my son’s future path. The actions or non action of others can have great impact on our choices, our paths, our lives and our futures. I know I don’t want to be like that 11th grade calculus teacher. It’s yet to be seen what that really means.