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Up and down

December 25, 2011

Like a yo-yo. The stock market. Space Mountain. That’s how my days are.

The ups are high. The joy and happiness from seeing my 3-month old son smile at me make my heart soar. Pure happiness radiates from his face and I giggle like a schoolgirl after a handful of sugar.

The downs can be deep. ‘Tears streaming down my face at the drop of a pin’ kind of deep. He cries for what feels like eternity and just won’t stop. It seems like all of my efforts to calm him are for naught. And I feel despondent, useless. Wall. Hit. Face.

Ups and downs. All day long. Day after day.

New baby = emotional rollercoaster.

It’s another element of having a baby that no one tells you. Nobody prepares you for it. If they did tell me it would be like this, I doubt I would have been able to grasp it enough to care anyway.

It’s incredibly intense to have so many highs and lows in such a short period of time. A key challenge (for me, anyway) of having a baby. And I’m one of the fortunate ones. He’s a good boy. A GREAT nighttime sleeper. Smiles a ton. When he’s happy, we’re an unstoppable team. When there’s some difficulty, my mood drops dramatically and quickly.

Maybe I’ll find my mediums eventually so I won’t get so emotional when he cries for no reason or is otherwise fussy. Could be the hormones. Or maybe I won’t. It could be my lot that I will feel deeply what my baby boy is feeling. Either way, I just need to keep talking about it to maintain my sanity. Whatever it takes.

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