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Odd Jobs

May 13, 2010

When I first moved to the Bay Area, I was the nanny for my 3-month-old niece. It was a swap with my sister. I get to live in the Bay Area for free, and she gets a nanny without pay. Not sure who got the better end of that bargain.

 

Regardless, I did it for about 7 months. During that time, I started getting a little stir crazy and sought out a job for some nights and weekends. Did I find one? Oh, did I ever! Yowza.

 

I joined the many, the proud, the elite at Shoreline Ampitheatre in Mountain View. It paid maybe just a smidge over minimum wage, but I swore I was doin' it for the music, man.

 

The first show I worked was Ozzfest. I'm not really into metal, but I can appreciate some of it. But the day (and night)  ended up being almost entirely NOT about music. I worked from 8am to nearly midnight and spent the bulk of that time patting down hundreds (thousands?) of ticket holders at one of the gate entrances.

 

I had to ask them to lift their arms, feel under their pits, around the waist area, down the outer leg and a little bit up the inner leg. Nothing lude, mind you. I didn't even piece together that I was doing thousands of squats all day long, and boy, were my legs sore the next day.

 

The really fun part was all the out-of-their-mind concert goers who had been tailgating in the lots for hours. They all thought they were quite amusing as I ran my hands over their bodies.

 

This is my journal entry, post Ozzfest. Good times.

 

 

Concert:  Ozzfest 2005

Date:  Saturday, August 13

My call time: 8 a.m.

Doors open:  9 a.m.

Departure Time:  11:54 p.m.

My position:  body searcher at North Gate

 

Best Performer:  Ozzie performing with Black Sabbath brought the house down, but it was really Ozzie they were rooting for.  The man’s got absolutely no rhythm, but he doesn’t care. He dances, jumps around and sings his heart out.

 

Worst Performer:  Hmmmm. Don’t think I can pick just one. Though I did miss many of them by being out at the front gate.

 

High Point:  Seeing Ozzie perform.  He had previously missed a lot of shows in the tour because of illness. The day after the Shoreline show, he announced he wouldn't be performing in next year’s tour.

 

Low Point(s):  Spending more than eight hours feeling up (mostly) sweaty, stinky, drunk or otherwise inebriated Ozzfest fans.

 

Best Tshirt Slogan:  Fuck you you fucking fuck.

 

Closest Celebrity Siting:  None. On a break in the employee area, I was sitting next to a girl talking to a guy who was working backstage and said that Will Smith, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air himself, was hanging out. His wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, has a band, Wicked Wisdom, that performs on the second stage earlier in the afternoon.

 

Performer I would have liked to see:  Rob Zombie

 

Most Commonly Heard Joke:  Hey, are you gonna buy me a drink now!? He he he

(heard about 150 times after I searched random guys)

 

Most Interesting Character of the Day:  Oddly enough, this was not one of the concert attendees. It was  Connie the mumbler. We were stationed together inside the bowl for the latter part of the show. No matter how many times I told Connie I couldn’t hear a damn word she was saying, she just kept on talking.  During band breaks I realized that the noise wasn’t the whole problem. She’s a mumbler. I felt like I was in a Seinfeld episode.

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